Have you ever heard that song by Kate York, "Rains Here Too"? I like it...a lot. I was driving home from work one day and that song was playing (thanks to Kenna and her awesome tunes to catch me up on what's cool). It could have been a movie with the way things happened. There was a big storm coming in, and as the song began, it starting raining HARD. It made me really listen to the lyrics of this song, and I realized that I relate to it really well. One line goes "I drove all this way to get away from you...rains here too." I didn't move to Georgia to flee from anyone :) but I realized that the last couple of years I've been...afraid (for lack of better word) to face some big decisions. Mostly about my career, I think. I didn't know what to do after graduation, so I seriously contemplated and ended up going on a mission. It was the best decision I've ever made!! I'm so grateful for my uncertainty, because I think that had I had a plan, I wouldn't have wanted to interrupt it for 18 mos. with a mission. (Props for those of you who DO interrupt your plans to serve missions!) Then I come home from my mission, and I'm still in the same boat as I was in the spring of 2007--I didn't know what to do. So I do something drastic and leave! I felt like I just kinda snuck out. It kinda happened that way with my mission, too, actually. Having postponed, a few months later I just up and left. A lot of people didn't know I had decided to go.
Anyway, so what is so scary about moving forward to really start my career? Why is it so difficult to decide what to do for a career? Why is it that every time I decide to go forward with PA school something happens to make me go a different direction or postpone finishing pre-reqs? Am I really so blind to what Heavenly Father wants me to do? If so, why do I keep coming back to the idea of going to PA school? Should I really be expressing myself like this on my blog?
So I think that I've made a decision by going somewhere--on a mission, and now to Georgia--but life is just as hard when you live somewhere else. The choices I have to make are just as hard, it's just in a different setting. So even though coming here was to help me make progress toward grad school, and to get out of Provo, it's still tough. It's fun, exciting, and good. So I came all this way to run away...but it rains here, too. In fact, it rains a lot more here than in Utah!
Okay, this is my favorite post!! I love that you ask whether you should be expressing this on your blog. That made me smile. You know, you are right. It rains everywhere you go. It's crazy because I keep thinking that things would be better if we moved, or had more of a home, and every time we try something stops us from doing it. So, here we are, in our tiny little apartment, stepping on toys from room to room, but we take a minute to look at our family and cant help but smile. This doesn't really have anything to do with your post, but I guess what I'm saying is, keep going...you will know which direction to go and as long as you keep moving forward you'll end up somewhere. I agree, that you picked up and left really fast, but what a way to go!! I wish it rained more here...but not figuratively, literally...I don't need anymore figurative rain.
ReplyDeleteThat is precisely why I love that song. Oft times I ponder about how much better life will be when I move out of Utah. No more 'typical closed' thinking and babies every.where.
ReplyDeleteBUT, no matter where I go, there will always be 'those' people, 'those' situations, etc.
It's wonderful you have realized this so young, ya know? There are individuals who are STILL running away, and have been their entire lives.
Great post.
I loved this post because I can relate to it so much! I am the same way with my decisions- I'm scared and unsure about most of them (mission included!) So instead of making a thought through, confidient decision, I kindof just dive in. It seems like I do this with all my big decisions. Sometimes I think my split second decisions will help me avoid other things too- but like you say, "it rains here too." Funny how life is like that.
ReplyDeleteAs far as careers go, I think that Heavenly Father lets us make that decision. But, he may throw some things in there for us along the way- all I think He expects from us is to move forward :)
I love you Kimmy!